A Brilliant Idea
by Mynuet
Summary: After seeing the bottom of one too many bottles of things normally served in quite small glasses, Zel got An Idea. The kind that always seems brilliant at the time, but later leads to much agonized wondering of what evil demon possessed you.


Zelgadis considered himself a rational man. When he heard the gossip that there was a royal wedding being secretly planned in Saillune, he did what a rational, sensible man would do upon realizing that he was in love and the love of his life was about to be put permanently out of his reach.  
  
He got drunk.  
  
And then, after seeing the bottom of one too many bottles of things normally served in quite small glasses, he got An Idea.  
  
You know the sort of idea. It's the one that always seemed brilliant at the time, but later leads to much agonized wondering of what evil demon possessed itself of your brain.  
  
We think the demon this time was rum.  
  
In any case, our hero set off boldly to carry forth his Plan, fortified by good spirits and some not-so-good ones.  
  
It was perfect. It had to work.  
  
So, still somewhat dizzy, the gallant chimera stole into the palace and drifted silently into the room where Princess Amelia slept peacefully. He took a moment to watch her angelic face before hoisting her over his shoulder and ray winging his way into the night.  
  
Amelia woke up to be thrown over a rock shoulder with all the dignity of a sack of potatoes and then dragged off into the night before she could get her breath back. After a moment to assess the situation, she came up with the following facts: their ray wing bubble was drifting erratically in all directions, but mostly downwards; she was in her nightgown; and the shoulder she was on definitely belonged to Zelgadis. History records this as the one time that Amelia of the Justice Speeches was too furious to speak.  
  
They touched down on a balcony somewhere, and Amelia's fury was somewhat mollified when she saw the room it led into. Sheer silk curtains billowed from the posts of a tremendous bed with a frame of wrought iron. The bedding was in shades of cream and gold, with a mountain of pillows of all shapes and sizes. The air was heavy with the scent of roses and sandalwood and Amelia noticed white and red rose petals had been scattered on the floor between the balcony and the bed and there were vases overflowing with roses set on every surface except for one small table which had dishes with domed silver covers, presumably in case they worked up an appetite. Amelia blushed rosily at the thought and decided to forgive his methods of getting her here. Zelgadis set her down gently and her eyes filled as she thought of what could have made him prepare such a romantic setting, and what would happen next.  
  
What happened next was that Zel hiccuped and slumped gently to the floor in a collapse as slow and inevitable as the movement of continents, or sumo wrestlers. Amelia lifted his head and gagged at the reek of alcohol on his breath. Her eyes hardened as she considered her options, and decided on the one that combined revenge with happily ever after.  
  
The sun was shining as Zelgadis awoke the next morning, pouring through the open window with a relentless cheer that he felt shouldn't be allowed before he had ingested caffeine. Lots of caffeine. He heard a soft sound and froze. His brain chose this moment to bring its massive pain to the forefront of attention.  
  
Zel raised himself to a sitting position slowly, moving gently so as to avoid his head rolling off his neck. His danger sense tingled as he became aware of his surroundings. He lifted the sheet to check. Yup, definitely naked. He looked to the side and lifted the sheet again. That was definitely a naked Amelia. He started trying to wring details of the previous night from his beleaguered brain, which let an image of himself stealing Amelia from the palace drift towards him before it went back to concentrating on not exploding. "But... But... I would have remembered! Wouldn't I?"  
  
He whimpered as a soft arm reached around him and pulled him back down to the pillows. Amelia's eyes looked soft as she smiled dreamily and snuggled closer to him. He blushed and tried not to swallow his tongue at the feel of all that soft bare flesh in contact with his own. He would HAVE to remember if something happened... Right?  
  
Amelia buried her face in his shoulder to hide her smirk. She wished there was a way to record his expression for posterity, or at least for her to frame and hang in the Royal Portrait Gallery. Now to go in for the kill. "Oh, Mister Zelgadis, last night was soooooo wonderful! It was like a dream come true!"  
  
Zelgadis flinched as he tried to think of a diplomatic way to ask what dreams, exactly, had come true. "Um... Why don't you tell me all about it, Amelia?"  
  
Her eyes turned to his, full of pain and tears. "You're not saying you don't remember, are you Mister Zelgadis? You forgot the most beautiful night of my life?"  
  
Zelgadis felt like the lowest worm ever to crawl the earth as she looked away and hid her face with the sheet. Her shoulders shook and he knew he had to lie. "Of course not...darling. I just, er, wanted to hear what you thought of it all."  
  
Amelia bit her lip as she tried to suppress laughter at the panic in his voice and the stilted way the endearment had been pasted into the sentence. Putting on her sparkliest eyes, she pushed the sheet away and clasped her hands together under her chin. "Oh, every young girl dreams of a dashing troubadour climbing to her window and romantically whisking her off into the starry night!"  
  
"You thought I was dashing?" He cudgeled his brain, but the closest he could get to that image was throwing her over his shoulder. He decided it wasn't too far off after accounting for Amelia's optimism, and risked a small comment in the hopes of getting her to continue. "I hope you weren't too disappointed with me."  
  
"I could never be disappointed by yooooooooou, Mister Zelgadis." He couldn't help but think that her tone and smile seemed like pink cotton candy with a razor hidden inside. What, exactly, had he done?  
  
Amelia lifted a hand to run over his chest. "Oh, it was so exciting, the way you carried me off into the night!" Zel could feel all the hairs on his body standing on end at the electricity generated by her touch. His eyes were locked onto her lips, which seemed almost pouty as she continued. "You didn't speak to me at all, though. Not during the entire flight here."  
  
Zel cleared his throat nervously. "Well, Amelia, sometimes it's hard—"  
  
Amelia cut him off with a light kiss and a hug that raised his blood pressure. "But I forgave you when I saw all the trouble you'd taken over this beautiful room." Amelia looked around, giving him a nice view of her shining eyes. "It's exactly what I always dreamed of for my honeymoon!"  
  
Zelgadis looked around the room and Amelia stifled a laugh against his skin at how his eyes seemed to be two different sizes from amazement and horror. He swallowed hard and made an attempt to find reality again. "I'll bet you never dreamt of a living statue in your perfect honeymoon suite."  
  
She hummed slightly, smiling absently as she idly traced the pebbles on his back. "Actually, you're all I've dreamed of for a very long time."  
  
Zelgadis froze, swallowing against a suddenly dust dry mouth. "Uh. Let me get us some of that wine."  
  
He was halfway out of the bed before he realized was still naked. Amelia bit her lip as she watched his blush bleed down from his face to cover his neck, then chest and further out until his entire body was one big blush. He tried to look casual as he pulled the sheet with him, but then he realized there was only one sheet for two people, and one of them was going to be naked if he walked away from the bed.  
  
She took the decision, and the sheet, out of his hands. He tried to walk calmly and casually and managed neither. Amelia's eyes took on a glaze that made him feel very much like prey. He stumbled as he walked back towards the bed, sprinkling Amelia's bare chest with red wine. She clucked her tongue and shot him a look that sent his already racing pulse to insane levels. "Mister Zelgadis, you shouldn't waste good wine. You'll have to drink it from where it is."  
  
Zelgadis spent one moment in stone cold shock, finally accepting that he really must have forgotten, since she'd never be this bold otherwise. /The gods really hate me. I have sex for the first time, with a beautiful girl that I love, no less, and I don't remember a thing./ Then it occurred to the rock-headed chimera that he was passing up the opportunity to make new memories.  
  
His mouth had just closed over one wine-damp nipple when the door burst open. Zel grabbed something to cover himself, ending up holding a tasseled bolster in front of him in a desperate attempt at modesty. Amelia had squeaked and brought the sheet up to her neck. "Daddy! Uncle Christopher!"  
  
Phil stood in the doorway, taking in the scene while remaining eerily still. Christopher blushed and edged past Phil to grab a hotel bathrobe from a hook to toss to Zelgadis. The chimera managed to catch it without dropping the bolster and then wiggled his way into it while trying to scrape together some dignity in the face of certain death.  
  
Amelia was ready to crack from the strain, and cleared her throat. Before she could speak, her father had rushed across the room and gathered the sweatdropping Zel in a bone crushing hug. "So the rumors about a royal wedding are true! Welcome to the family, son."  
  
Zel attempted to facefault, but Phil's iron grip kept him firmly in place. Amelia was staring at her father, slack jawed in disbelief. Christopher had scuttled around the room and found her nightgown, which he brought over to her before joining Phil in hugging the prospective groom. "I'm sure you'll make our little Ame very happy, young man. I'll be proud to have you as a nephew."  
  
Amelia pinched herself, hard. She was definitely awake, and Zel was looking distinctly green. "Um, Daddy, I don't know where those rumors came from, but Mister Zelgadis and I didn't..." She blushed as the three men looked at her with questioning eyes. Fidgeting with the sheets, she whispered, "We didn't do anything. Nothing happened."  
  
All three men looked at her with disbelieving eyes. Phil was the one who spoke. "Now, Amelia, I was young once, myself. Why, your mother and I ended up rushing the preparations for the wedding and coronation because Gracia was on the way."  
  
Amelia's face twisted as if she had bitten an apple and then found half a worm. "But, Daddy!"  
  
Christopher disengaged from the manly group hug to give Amelia a gentle squeeze and pat her hand. "It's okay, Ame dear. You can still wear white, and we'll hold a lovely wedding at the Temple of Ceipheed. All of Saillune will come out to cheer for their princess and her consort."  
  
Amelia seethed. She leapt out of the bed and pointed to the pristine, if rumpled, sheets. "I said nothing happened and there's your proof!" She crossed her arms over her chest, anchoring the sheet firmly. "If anything had happened, there'd be blood on the sheet, and there isn't."  
  
Phil cleared his throat and looked away, giving Zel one last hearty blow on the back before releasing him. It was again Christopher who coughed and said, "Ame dear, you know that with all the tumbling and horseback riding, the royal doctor determined that wasn't... Er, what I mean to say is..." He trailed off, blushing rosily behind his mustache.  
  
Amelia growled and would have said something else when Zelgadis grasped her hand and brought it to his lips. "Amelia, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's unnecessary. It would be my honor if you'd accept my hand in marriage." His head might still be spinning and he might not remember the details of what had happened, but he knew in his bones, to the depths of his soul what his purpose had been last night. He had wanted to make Amelia his, and now she would be.  
  
Amelia felt like bursting into tears. She wanted to just give in, but it would be unjust to allow him to marry her under false pretenses. "Mister Zelgadis, NOTHING happened. You passed out from drinking too much and I thought I'd play a joke."  
  
Zelgadis thought quickly. On the one hand, he believed her. On the other hand, they could get married immediately, which was very appealing now that he'd admitted to himself that she was what he wanted. The fact that he'd\ get revenge for her making him believe he'd forgotten their first time was irrelevant. Really. He threw himself to kneel at her feet and pressed her hand to his forehead, as if he were a vassal swearing fealty. In his best imitation of the Saillune royal family's declamatory tones, he said, "Amelia, I love you more than life itself. Please don't be ashamed of our having shared that love in such a beautiful way."  
  
Amelia smirked. So he wanted to play rough, did he? She hadn't spent her formative years with Prince Philionel di Saillune for nothing. Crushing his face to her bosom, she let tears flow down her face before launching into her impassioned speech. "My love, I am overjoyed that the strength of our love has overcome all the obstacles in our path, and it will continue to do so for years to come, for our true love is eternal! With you at my side, I will rule Saillune fairly and wisely, for nothing can stand in the path of righteous hearts united in a love for justice!"  
  
Zel looked slightly bilious, but both Phil and Christopher were sniffling. "That was... SO beautiful! Daughter!"  
  
"Daddy!" Amelia launched herself into her father's arms, dropping Zelgadis's head to bounce off the floorboards.  
  
Christopher helped the defeated chimera to stand up. "You two will have to come to the palace later today to finalize the plans for the wedding." The stars in the older man's eyes made Zel eye him warily. He'd hoped that the whiff of scandal would make the wedding a rushed and private affair. His hopes withered and died as Christopher continued, "There's so much to be done! There'll be proclamations of a public holiday, the carriage, the flowers, arranging for the official portraits... I wonder if we can arrange to have some lobster brought in for the reception? Oh, and we'll HAVE to have fireworks, and dancing, and..."  
  
Zelgadis groaned as this vision of hell enfolded him, complete with the scent of orange blossoms. He'd endure it for Amelia's sake, but, having come so close to heaven, the thought of waiting months to touch Amelia again was painful. He listened to Christopher drone on, wincing as the words "formal betrothal ball" were said.  
  
Amelia detached herself from her father and saved the day. "Oh, no, Uncle Christopher, we can't wait that long." Zel could have sworn he saw a halo of light around her as she cast her eyes downward and curved a hand over her stomach. While she wasn't lying, she was very definitely giving an impression that would ensure the wedding took place with a certain degree of haste.  
  
"Oh. Oh! I see. Hm." Christopher blushed and backed out of the room, muttering about sending out invitations immediately for a wedding within the month. Amelia sighed mentally with relief. One down, one to go.  
  
Prince Phil was standing very still, staring at where Amelia had been standing when she made her pronouncement. She waved a hand in front of his face and then shrugged, gesturing for Zelgadis to join her at the small table. After about fifteen minutes of the unnerving stillness, Phil broke into a huge grin, said, "I'm going to be a grandfather...", then fell to the floor in a dead faint. Amelia rang for a bellhop and arranged to have her unconscious but still smiling father taken home.  
  
Alone at last, Zelgadis looked at Amelia from under an arched brow. "What will you do when they find out you're not pregnant?"  
  
Amelia looked at her fiancee archly and dropped the sheet that had been wrapped around her. "I don't know what I'd say, which is why you need to get to work."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author's Note: Yet another "what was I smoking??" fic from me. Someday if Elf twists my arm enough I may write a full bore lemon to go with it, but it might be a while, since I've got five zillion projects going on at once, along with token attempts at that thing called "real life". 


End file.
